Three of us were born on that budding new moon.
All of us in the warmth of water's embrace- rocked by the very earth upon which we live. Held by the fire that surrounded and illuminated the space around. Air fresh with every window and door open.
Diving deep into the well to gather more of ourselves to surface and presence new life. New us.
Each, individually, and together, as a unit in union.
It was peaceful the progression into this initiation that would make me as much as I made it.
I had set intentions and let go- allowing what would be, to be.
Trusting my body. My Self. The Creature. Ryan. And the support we chose to have around us. Physical and not. We were not alone.
Some people say how the mother must journey up to the outer reaches of the stars to get her baby and bring her earth side and through the portal that is her.
I have come to a different conclusion.
In the midst of what may be one of the greatest initiations of life, we give ourselves to the discovering of who we are and get to be. We shed and release layers upon ages of who we've been.. how we've moved through the world and connected in relating. From this moment on though, we emerge... different.
We- and I don't just mean the mothers.. papa's I'm referring to you too- enter in, knowing a completion and beginning are afoot. But a certain, or complete, amount of control must be released. We must give ourselves to the experience. To the elements. To the ferocity that must birth a life.
For it is within that space, we discover the primal being that we are. That we uncover and discover more of who we have the honor to become.
No, the journey is not up, to get the child- the child has been landed for months- forming and transforming within.
We journey down- to the core- one's self, one's power, one's surrender, one's faith. We journey to the very core of existence to call back with us the power needed to become the portal that can bring life into this world.
We journey into the Truth of Creation.
At least... this is how my birth story went.
I had a vision. A strong intention. A will and truth filled with trust.
I gave myself over, for I saw no other way.
I was ready. I felt my being, and Hers, preparing me for months for this Medicine journey.
I didn't know what I would face or who I would be on the other side- but the only way was through. And I don't do things half way. I want the fullness of the experience available to me.
Through the last part of third trimester, I could feel myself being drawn deeper. In. Deeper. Gathering my energy, my strength, filling reserves and reveling in the moments that could still be simply mine.
I went crawling around on lava rocks to create images of this ever ripening body. I drove out to obscure beaches to set my prayers in motion for the path that had been and would be. I rested in bath filled with salts and comfort to ease my building body. I caressed what would soon be more than one. And within each breath, I gave myself to the stillness and silence that I was both appreciating and grieving.
For I knew, at the completion of the pregnancy, it's not just done. Everything is different.
My life. My alone time. My relationship. My availability to work on creative and entrepreneurial endeavors.
Everything would be different.
And it is.
The day before my "due date", early Thursday morning I woke with my body telling me my water was about to break.
They started mildly. But I still didn't sleep much, the unknown was building- letting me know an apex would be around a corner.
Through Thursday I bathed in the sun, in the water, on the lanai, in bed with my beloved. As the sun rose higher and began to dip, the waves began to rise higher. Soon to be crashing rather than gently rolling through.
As the sun set, beeswax candles were lit, and we, together were between a bed in front of the fireplace and the warm tub.
Fire and Water- two of the ever present and balancing forces in my life.
It was a new moon- just before a solar eclipse. The stars were shining and I was deepening.
No longer seeing through the eyes that see the details of this physical world, but instead, gazing through a lens that spanned beyond time and space. Rooted firmly in the primal of the physical while also journeying so much further than my physical existence.
Beings gathered around me- offering presence but not distraction. Offering support without inserting into the purity of the abyss of waves I was riding.
My body moving with each wave that was now crashing through me.
My partner in this life beside me, right there in it with me- in every moment. We were in this together, and yet- we were not. I was held. By Him. By Them. By Me.
I wanted it to be that way- so that I could go fully into it. So that I could lose myself within the experience and find myself somewhere, somehow.
And I did- go into it. Let go of all I was holding. Let go of who I'd known myself to be. Let go of how I thought the journey might unfold. Let go of trying.
I gave myself to guide myself, my body, and Hers, through to a new season. One where my body birthed another- one where I too drew breath as a newly birthed being.
I was approaching that apex- and the earth was calling.
When She calls, I listen.
Naked and rolling in the waves, I make my way to the bare land- drawing up while pouring down into- I let myself become more than simply me. I let myself open to all that could be and would be coming through me now and ongoing.
I roared as the waves asked me to let go of, well, Me.
She was coming- and for that, the water sang to return.
Both the feminine and masculine present in the tub. Him holding space, holding strength, holding structure to allow. The Creation of Her to bare herself to the deepest wells of Primal Power and call upon more as a life came through.
She was born with an arm raised. Carving her way into this world and ready for the life she's been creating for years already.
She had come through nearly 2 years prior- letting us know the timeline She desired. We, of course forgot though She, did not. October 2023 she would come through.
She drew her first breath and became a body sovereign unto herself in October 2023.
We burned the cord after allowing all her precious blood to flow to her for some hours while she nourished for the first time from the breast.
Perfection.
Life.
Creation.
Embodied.
For 6 weeks we have been healing, integrating, getting to know who we each now are, within ourselves and together.
We have been continuing to prioritize and bring intention to the creation of a regulated nervous system for this one that before 6 weeks ago, only co-regulated with the body building her, mine.
Not only is She now discovering the world, but she's learning how to be in a body. We're giving space for her to feel safe, heard, listened to. For her curiosity to build naturally and her alertness to become ever more focused.
She emerged from the womb curious and alert.
Since the second trimester she's been guiding me to places and people that were and would become teachers and mentors in this physical existence and beyond.
She's been arranging the life she chooses to live for far beyond these few moon cycles during which she's learning to communicate with a body, honor a body's needs and desires, and fulfill curiosities and acknowledge readiness.
This has never felt like My Baby. Yes, she is my child- as in we have chosen this dynamic and I claim her as mine- but it's in an acknowledgment and acceptance of the role of Being Mother and shepherding in this life, who she chooses to Become. It is based in freedom as opposed to possession.
We never truly "own" another. Not even our children. They are our teachers as much as their own beings.
I am a Mother now. I am Her Mother.
I am a partner for a lifetime.
I am a student, a lover, a teacher, a guide, and a curious human that will continue to open and deepen with each unfolding season.
It continues to change. With each passing moon.
As do I.